Sarah (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} ididthatonce) wrote,@ 2009-03-31 00:22:00 |
|
Why I'm freaking the fuck out
As you may have noticed, I've been in a state of perpetual anxiety for about the last 48 hours. I figure that I owe it to everyone to explain the reasons why. Here goes...
1) I didn't get the Editorship. I really wanted it. Bad. I don't even care who got it, I just know that this is somehow another thing that I'm just not good enough for.
2) I didn't get HSA President. I know Melissa will do a fine job, but I still wanted it SO BAD that it just kills me to see someone else get the position.
3) The two titles I'm holding next year I got without opposition. In other words, I can't win a fucking election unless it's against myself.
4) I feel a lot of hostility in HSA, Reslife, the JSU and SGA against me. I don't know if it's real or imagined, but I feel like a lot of people in those organizations want me out, plain and simple. It's stressing me the eff out.
5) I'm still having trouble hearing out of my right ear.
6) The guy who I've been in love with since I met him Freshman year just started dating a mutual friend. I know her, so my usual, "she's a bitch" approach doesn't work.
7) Every time I feel like I'm getting emotionally close to a guy, I freak him out somehow and he's no longer interested (or he never was). Therefore, I assume that it's something wrong with my appearance. Therefore, I freak the fuck out.
8) I feel ugly 98% of the time, and nothing can change that. No matter what I try to tell myself, I hate what I see in the mirror. Every time I'm in a room, I'm always the ugliest one, and it SUCKS. I'm trying to diet, but it's taking a long time, and I'm barely seeing results. I think I'm just always going to be fat or something.
9) I'm still not over my ex-ish thing.
10) I'm getting to the age where it's weird to still have my v-card and not be saving myself for marriage. I'm scared that it's reaching the point where I'll turn off any potential mates because of it.
11) I'm on a diet and my blood sugar is freaking out. Plus, I've discovered that I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food.
12) I don't feel like I can be myself as an RA. I'm not really as perky and happy as people think from how I'm required to act. I'm actually kind of a mopey bitch, but you wouldn't know because I have to be this perfect role model figure.
13) I just turned 20, and I'm still trying to figure out where I fit into that. I don't know if I'm an adult yet or not.
14) I feel like every has all their shit together: friends, relationships, future career, housing situation, everything. I'm the only one who doesn't. Especially with friends. There are a few groups of people that I want to get involved with, but they all seem to either think I'm some kind of socially awkward freak or just have no interest in hanging out with me. Even when I try, they never invite me along to things.
15) My spine hurts 24-7, but I don't have time to go see my chiropractor.
16) I miss my family a lot.
17) I'm still getting over Milo's death. I know it's been a while, but he was basically like my little brother, and it's so weird to know he's gone.
18) Similarly, a former classmate of mine died this past month, and it's kind of shook up my reality.
19) I have no car, no job for next year, and no housing for school.
20) I think I chose the wrong major, but I can't do shit about it now.
21) I always feel like, no matter what I do, I'm never good enough. I'm not good enough to be HSA President, I'm not good enough to be Miscellany Editor, I'm not good enough to hang out with crowd x or y, I'm not smart enough to get about a 3.2, I'm not pretty enough to attract boys, goodness knows I'm not skinny enough and will never be. I'm just never going to be enough for anyone.
I hope this clears up what's going on. I'm trying not to freak out, but it has to happen, so understand if I go psycho on any of y'all's asses.
Peace, Love, and Fluffy Puppies,
Sarah
As you may have noticed, I've been in a state of perpetual anxiety for about the last 48 hours. I figure that I owe it to everyone to explain the reasons why. Here goes...
1) I didn't get the Editorship. I really wanted it. Bad. I don't even care who got it, I just know that this is somehow another thing that I'm just not good enough for.
2) I didn't get HSA President. I know Melissa will do a fine job, but I still wanted it SO BAD that it just kills me to see someone else get the position.
3) The two titles I'm holding next year I got without opposition. In other words, I can't win a fucking election unless it's against myself.
4) I feel a lot of hostility in HSA, Reslife, the JSU and SGA against me. I don't know if it's real or imagined, but I feel like a lot of people in those organizations want me out, plain and simple. It's stressing me the eff out.
5) I'm still having trouble hearing out of my right ear.
6) The guy who I've been in love with since I met him Freshman year just started dating a mutual friend. I know her, so my usual, "she's a bitch" approach doesn't work.
7) Every time I feel like I'm getting emotionally close to a guy, I freak him out somehow and he's no longer interested (or he never was). Therefore, I assume that it's something wrong with my appearance. Therefore, I freak the fuck out.
8) I feel ugly 98% of the time, and nothing can change that. No matter what I try to tell myself, I hate what I see in the mirror. Every time I'm in a room, I'm always the ugliest one, and it SUCKS. I'm trying to diet, but it's taking a long time, and I'm barely seeing results. I think I'm just always going to be fat or something.
9) I'm still not over my ex-ish thing.
10) I'm getting to the age where it's weird to still have my v-card and not be saving myself for marriage. I'm scared that it's reaching the point where I'll turn off any potential mates because of it.
11) I'm on a diet and my blood sugar is freaking out. Plus, I've discovered that I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food.
12) I don't feel like I can be myself as an RA. I'm not really as perky and happy as people think from how I'm required to act. I'm actually kind of a mopey bitch, but you wouldn't know because I have to be this perfect role model figure.
13) I just turned 20, and I'm still trying to figure out where I fit into that. I don't know if I'm an adult yet or not.
14) I feel like every has all their shit together: friends, relationships, future career, housing situation, everything. I'm the only one who doesn't. Especially with friends. There are a few groups of people that I want to get involved with, but they all seem to either think I'm some kind of socially awkward freak or just have no interest in hanging out with me. Even when I try, they never invite me along to things.
15) My spine hurts 24-7, but I don't have time to go see my chiropractor.
16) I miss my family a lot.
17) I'm still getting over Milo's death. I know it's been a while, but he was basically like my little brother, and it's so weird to know he's gone.
18) Similarly, a former classmate of mine died this past month, and it's kind of shook up my reality.
19) I have no car, no job for next year, and no housing for school.
20) I think I chose the wrong major, but I can't do shit about it now.
21) I always feel like, no matter what I do, I'm never good enough. I'm not good enough to be HSA President, I'm not good enough to be Miscellany Editor, I'm not good enough to hang out with crowd x or y, I'm not smart enough to get about a 3.2, I'm not pretty enough to attract boys, goodness knows I'm not skinny enough and will never be. I'm just never going to be enough for anyone.
I hope this clears up what's going on. I'm trying not to freak out, but it has to happen, so understand if I go psycho on any of y'all's asses.
Peace, Love, and Fluffy Puppies,
Sarah
