Dear Hollywood,

I am fat.  Very fat.  Obese according to BMI scale (which is bullcrap, but that's another blog for another day).  I'm not just a little pudgy.  In order to be "normal," I would have to lose upwards of 50 lbs.  And, somehow, I manage to do none of the following:

1) Fart constantly, and uncontrollably in an effort to make everyone in the world aware of how ZOMFGFAT I am
2) Eat everything in sight
3) Laze around on the couch all day, stuffing bonbons and entire pizzas down my gullet
4) Throw my gazillion rolls of fat around me and onto other people
5) Remain in denial/unaware of how ZOMFGFAT I am
6) Eat ice cream, entire pizzas, double bacon heart-attack cheeseburgers, and doughnuts for every meal
7) Attempt to squeeze myself into size 2's and complain when they don't fit
8) Obsess over every morsel that I put into my body
9) Not excersize (double negatives ftw)
10) Hit on every guy I meet as a horrible irony because I am, you know, ZOMFGFAT and therefore ZOMFGUGLY
11) Lose things in my fat rolls
12) Break furniture
13) Squash people/small animals with my fat
14) Sweat constantly and onto other people

Actually, I'm more well-adjusted than a lot of thin people who do, in fact, obsess over every calorie that goes in or out of their bodies.  So stop it with the fucking stereotypes.

No Love,

Me.